I would be lying to you if I said that I appreciate my body 100%. The truth of the matter is that there are many days where I actually do not appreciate my body; I call those days the "WHY THE HELL DID I HAVE TO EAT THAT EXTRA PIECE OF CHOCOLATE?" days. Now, I know in a previous post of mine I told you ladies that you need to see how beautiful each and every one of your bodies truly are and that you need to let go of other people's opinions on you, but I too fall into that negative cycle and I too start questioning myself, criticize anything I can about how my body isn't good enough.
Like today, I wore a really snug blue dress, a dress that I've only worn once before because I disliked how I looked in it so I gave it another go. But when I put it on I felt so confined and embarrassed. I knew though that if I just changed into something else, that my ideas of how I felt wearing this dress, would never disappear. I wanted to make a change in my personality and prove to myself that I am beautiful, chubby or not.
To help ease my mind and make sure that I didn't feel too embarrassed about my body, I decided to wear a flannel over the area that was giving me a lot of stress. In the beginning I felt uncomfortable and very shy to even take photos but I started to remind myself my little mantra " I am beautiful with or without makeup," and changed it to " I am beautiful whether I'm chubby or thin." And I kept saying it to myself over and over again until I realized that this is me and I can wear whatever I please, as long as it makes me feel good. Because I didn't hate the dress for being so snug, I hated it for showing more of the curvaceous parts of my body and because young women like me are made to think we CAN'T wear these because our bodies are different.
But there I was, wearing the dress with no care of what others thought of me, just beautiful words of truth floating in my head. I am beautiful regardless of what others think and I choose to not belittle my own principles and love for my body to try and obtain someone else's ideas of beauty. I know that I'll have days like this that will challenge me and make me question my principles but if I can do what I did today and take that fear by the horns, then I know I am slowly growing into the women that I want to be. I hope that if you ever feel like you are not beautiful enough, something deep inside will remind you that you are and if not, then talk to me. Until then,