Photographer & Mental Health Advocate


Friendships ft. Girl Gang Raglan

I wasn't always a loner like I am now, which makes me sad to say but I am grateful for what I have learned. In high school I had a group of friends that were equally versatile and kind; band geeks, soccer players and deep thinkers. I guess it was because I didn't fit into one category and nor did they, that we all fit perfectly with each other. That's why I kinda laugh at movies that talk about cliques and how each person belonged to one but only could talk to people in those specific cliques. Because we all talked to each other, hung out and had great times learning from one another, making memories. And no, I know what you're thinking, I wasn't in the stereotypical, "weirdo" clique, though that would have not been an issue with me. But I just couldn't stand to be with one type of people, I wanted to be an all-around person who enjoyed the company of many different backgrounds.

I  loved to do it all, dance, play my instrument, the Oboe #bandgeek and have great grades. If I just associated myself with musicians, I'm sure I wouldn't have learned how to bellydance or write poetry.  To me what I valued in my friends were how unique each of them were and what they were able to teach me. That's not to say I didn't have issues with people because I sure did. A lot of bullies, and I'll call them that because it's nicer than what I would actually say, would bother me and try to make my high school experience a living hell. Shout out to the immature chicks who circulated an image of me around the school, if it were now and not in the early 2000s, I'm sure you'd all be in jail. But my mother always said " I know who you are by the people you hang out with," or something along the lines of that. Spanish mothers know it all, trust me. She was right though, I would go through many difficult moments in my high school life that forever changed me and how I view friendships. 

The friends I made meant more to me than just simple high school friends. I deeply cared about them and their well being but we clashed a lot, maybe because we all were too different, I'm not sure. But I remember moments that I had to fight my case because I was too kind and being too kind must have meant I was "fake". Being called fake for being truthful always hurt my feelings and I started to see that no matter what I did, I would be the easy target. When things like that started to happen, I slowly found myself drifting from people, people that I thought I had connections with, that I cared for.

I guess that's the way life works, you'll lose many friends even if you were always in it, it doesn't mean they were. I've had friends lie to me, hurt me mentally and even abandon me at my lowest when my sister passed away. As you can see, that's why I'm so wary of new friendships and calling people "friends". It's not to say I don't want any because I really do but I must be that scarred, that making friends always makes me feel vulnerable and uncertain. 

If you have a girl gang, be good to each other, always root one another on and want the best because jealousy is poisonous and will destroy what you all have. Always tell the truth because honesty is the best policy and stay true to who you are. I'm on a fantastic journey on finding my very own girl gang, one that will take time but when I find them, I'm sure they'll feel like the sisters I've never had.