Photography Manifestations of 2019

Happy New Year, everyone!

I’m so excited for this new year to be able to expand myself and find comfort in all that I am. I know I fall into this Imposter syndrome constantly but this year, I’m not letting it get to me. 2018 has taught me that in order to move forward, I NEED TO BELIEVE IN MYSELF AND MY CRAFT! It’s amazing to have strangers and family believe in me but what about Ashley Jacklyn? We forget that people can feed on our energies and I honestly believe that others could sense my mood and fear of not being good enough.

I’ve said it last year to so many people, we are our own worst critics and the reasons why we are not where we want to be. Thankfully, I was able to see that last year and decided to finally make my photography a real LLC. Now that I fully am immersed into my path, what is next? It’s important that I stay focused and remind myself everyday of why I’m a photographer and mental health advocate.

Step one: who are the people that I want to target for my photography.

I want to work with people who see the value in photography and not just a photograph for their Instagram. Last year, I realized that A LOT of influencers do not respect photographers AND photography in general. To them, we’re a means to an end, which is them using OUR photos to get famous. Not here, not anymore at least. I want to work with influencers who respect what I do just as much as I respect their work. I know it isn’t easy to style yourself and always put your best foot forward, that is extremely exhausting but as a photographer; we too have similar struggles, especially when our work, like influencers work, do not get taken seriously. I’m throwing it into the air right now that I want to work with people who make my time and effort worth it. I want to create relationships that will last and grow with them.

Step two: My rates are high for a reason.

I don’t mind the collaboration here and there when I know that I am also gaining something out of the situation. But if you’re coming into my DMs asking me to collaborate with you, you gotta sell yourself to me as to why I should work free of charge. Just because you might be a pretty face, doesn’t mean that you can get away with free things. It’s time in 2019 people stop trying to use their physical appearances and actually understand how businesses run, especially from those of us who are smaller. I charge a specific amount because I have to pay for higher taxes and keep up to date with mainstream photography but the main reason why is I know I’m worth it. My workflow isn’t just me slapping a pretty filter over an image and calling it a day, I actually take the time to feel the images out and find the right style to match the person as well as the scene. Photography isn’t just a filter, it’s a moment in time created by us, that to me is magic.

Step three: Stop comparing my work.

I know ever since social media blew up the way that it did, photography has come along with it. Everyone and their grandmothers thinks they are photographers and I feel like I can’t keep up. Firstly, these trends that are popping up on Instagram are a bit excessive; like the person you started out with is transformed into some superhuman doll that looks like they would enslave our race, HAHA. Or that it’s just overly filtered and to some photographers, that’s their thing, more power to them but I’d be lying if I didn’t say that sometimes I wonder if I’m good enough to keep pursuing this. Of course after those thoughts and me making it aware to my friends, I get yelled at for not noticing how good I actually am and then those thoughts stop. But it’s something we all deal with and it’s time that I accept that there will be photographers no matter what, some will be betters and others won’t, just keep doing me.

Last step: STOP USING MY ANXIETY AS AN EXCUSE.

Listen, I know most of ya’ll think I’m this powerful being and you’re damn right! I live everyday constantly with anxiety on my mind and still kick ass at a lot of things but it’s extremely difficult to do things at times. Take the first week of this year, I contracted a stomach virus and could not eat anything. It really messed with my mood and therefore I started to fall into that trap of negative thoughts. Also, seasonal depression is a real thing and she’s trying to drag my ass in with her. BUT look, I have anxiety, generalized anxiety to be exact and no it’s not your normal anxiety. Let’s please lets stop the “Oh I have it too” because if you really did then you’d understand how stuck I can really get in my mind. The type of anxiety I have is living in constant worry, trying to find escape plans and always thinking the worse of a situation. If this isn’t your daily, then you don’t get to tell me that all I need is to breathe through it or “TaKe yOgA, YOu’LL bE cuReD” BECAUSE THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS. It’s a chemical imbalance ya’ll and I don’t see you guys telling people who have physical illnesses if they take “yOgA” the illness will disappear, so STOP. Anyhoo, even though I live in the world of anxiety, it doesn’t mean it’s an excuse for not doing the best that I can. I will always give 110% of myself and work my hardest but it’s also understanding that there will be times that I can’t do something and that’s OKAY! My anxiety is a curse and a beautiful blessing, it invokes things into me that neurotypical people can’t understand and it teaches me empathy and kindness that I don’t think I’d have if I were anxiety-free. I know a lot of people think you can be cured of this and I’m sure in the future they will be able to but as of now, I am living with it and accepting myself for all that it comes with (sometimes but i’m learning to do this more) and I LOVE ME.

I know that 2019 has the power to be a wonderful year and I know that it also takes me putting a lot of effort and work into it for it to be a wonderful year. I also understand that I will fall but I know I have the ability and strength to get back up and do it again. Thank you to those of who you are here still with me, we have a lot of work to do.

Until then, xoxo

Jacklyn

September Sickness

Hi everyone!

It’s been such a long time since I have written a blog post. I know our attention spans are like the size of a goldfish so I’m gonna make this a quick little post on my horrible journey.

It was the beginning of September, a month I usually get extremely excited for since Autumn is my favorite season. Unfortunately for me, I got a sore throat which lead to acute bronchitis and a middle ear infection, both of which I am still recovering from.


I don’t know what and how it happened but this sickness hit me so quickly that it literally is still taking me time to heal. On Thursday it’ll be a whole month since I was diagnosed and also since I’ve actually been able to hear correctly.

I haven’t been able to shoot any photos and therefore had to dip into my savings which really sucks and has hit me hard. It’s extremely expensive to be sick and I would wish this on no one. But I’m extremely grateful to Brian, my love and best friend for being by my side throughout this horrible ordeal.

IMG_5854.JPG

There were moments I caught myself wanting it all to end, not only to stop my pain but to stop being a burden on Brian and my family. I know that is the mental illness part of me speaking but I truly have felt like such a burden because of this sickness. It has not only taken away my ability to breathe properly, which we all take for granted but to hear my loved ones voices properly. It truly isolated me and made me angry at the world and at myself. Brian, somehow kicked my ass in the most caring way and kept me going. He cooked, cleaned, took care of the pups, made sure I had all of my medication and still worked. I don’t know how he did it but I’m truly so grateful to him and his ability to keep it all together. Without him, I don’t think I would have made it and I’m not saying that in an extreme way, but there were moments where I couldn’t breathe and I thought it was the end and he was there, helping me relax, find strength and get through.

Another wild part about this September Journey is my Lupus is back. Yes, if you didn’t know, a few years ago my doctor suspected I had lupus but it wasn’t one of the worse cases and as long as I took better care of myself, i.e the gym and better eating habits, I could probably live normally with it. Unfortunately, this sickness brought it out and my body was already so weak and the added ache, rash and firey skin, really didn’t add to my comfort. I felt defeated but I knew I needed to keep fighting.

IMG_5519.JPG

It’ll be a month this Thursday that I have been house bound and bed ridden, trying to breathe and make it through. I’m writing this to say thank you to all of you for sending me prayers and believing in my healing. I’m not fully 100% yet but I know I am finally in a safer place. Being sick is never easy and having a mental illness really makes it 100x worse but please listen to your body. I don’t care what society tells you, you are IMPORTANT, your HEALTH is IMPORTANT. Take care of you so you can be the beautiful change we need in the world and thank you, my love, for being by my side through every tear, every gasp for air, every ache in my body and every tantrum to want it all to end. You are more powerful than you know and you are totally loved by me.

Until then, xoxo

Jacklyn