It’s been such a long time since I have written a blog post. I know our attention spans are like the size of a goldfish so I’m gonna make this a quick little post on my horrible journey.
It was the beginning of September, a month I usually get extremely excited for since Autumn is my favorite season. Unfortunately for me, I got a sore throat which lead to acute bronchitis and a middle ear infection, both of which I am still recovering from.
I don’t know what and how it happened but this sickness hit me so quickly that it literally is still taking me time to heal. On Thursday it’ll be a whole month since I was diagnosed and also since I’ve actually been able to hear correctly.
I haven’t been able to shoot any photos and therefore had to dip into my savings which really sucks and has hit me hard. It’s extremely expensive to be sick and I would wish this on no one. But I’m extremely grateful to Brian, my love and best friend for being by my side throughout this horrible ordeal.
There were moments I caught myself wanting it all to end, not only to stop my pain but to stop being a burden on Brian and my family. I know that is the mental illness part of me speaking but I truly have felt like such a burden because of this sickness. It has not only taken away my ability to breathe properly, which we all take for granted but to hear my loved ones voices properly. It truly isolated me and made me angry at the world and at myself. Brian, somehow kicked my ass in the most caring way and kept me going. He cooked, cleaned, took care of the pups, made sure I had all of my medication and still worked. I don’t know how he did it but I’m truly so grateful to him and his ability to keep it all together. Without him, I don’t think I would have made it and I’m not saying that in an extreme way, but there were moments where I couldn’t breathe and I thought it was the end and he was there, helping me relax, find strength and get through.
Another wild part about this September Journey is my Lupus is back. Yes, if you didn’t know, a few years ago my doctor suspected I had lupus but it wasn’t one of the worse cases and as long as I took better care of myself, i.e the gym and better eating habits, I could probably live normally with it. Unfortunately, this sickness brought it out and my body was already so weak and the added ache, rash and firey skin, really didn’t add to my comfort. I felt defeated but I knew I needed to keep fighting.
It’ll be a month this Thursday that I have been house bound and bed ridden, trying to breathe and make it through. I’m writing this to say thank you to all of you for sending me prayers and believing in my healing. I’m not fully 100% yet but I know I am finally in a safer place. Being sick is never easy and having a mental illness really makes it 100x worse but please listen to your body. I don’t care what society tells you, you are IMPORTANT, your HEALTH is IMPORTANT. Take care of you so you can be the beautiful change we need in the world and thank you, my love, for being by my side through every tear, every gasp for air, every ache in my body and every tantrum to want it all to end. You are more powerful than you know and you are totally loved by me.
Until then, xoxo