Where are you?
It's been a few weeks and you're nowhere to be found.
I know enough to understand that you go through stages and sometimes you stay dormant for weeks, possibly even months on end.
But you, anxiety, are never really gone from me.
I still worry that at any moment you'll come breaking down my defenses, destroy all of my progress and have me infant-like again, trying to figure you out.
And I know that these past few weeks of being extremely sick has caused some anxiousness to flutter to the top of my mind but not enough to cause you, something that I am grateful for.
I'm scared that you'll come, like you always do, uninvited, unwanted when I'm at my highest high and remind me how easily all of that can be taken away.
People who don't have you, can never fathom the dismay I live with knowing that at any second, my happiness can be taken away.
I know people say "you are your own worst enemy" and I agree however, my worst enemy is not only myself but how I react to you, anxiety.
People commend me all the time for being open and honest about you and I thought that would be all I needed to combat you, anxiety. But I need more; I need to keep talking even when my words don't make sense.
I need to maintain my power over you, so I write. I know you'll be back soon, you're never far away from me because you are me. You are the frightened by life, loss of hope, overwhelmed part of me that exists. But I am the understanding, metaphysical being that believes in the power of love and kindness.
So yes, I am afraid of you coming again anxiety, but I love you and accept you because you are me and I love me, all of me; even the parts that others would walk away from. I won't walk away from you, not now not ever. Take your time, I don't miss you but know when you do come, I'll be open with love and acceptance.