Robin Williams; what others couldn't see.
Today marks the second anniversary of dear Robin Williams's death. I remember what I was doing the exact moment I found out about his death. I was in California's Venice Beach bike riding around with my family, enjoying my first time ever being near the Pacific to see the sun setting across a different ocean.
I thought it was a horrible rumor people created to be assholes, because you know the internet has many of those and for some reason that year, every famous person was "dying". That is until I saw it on credible sites, that's when it sunk in that it was real. I was heartbroken, like many who truly loved his work, but I was heartbroken to hear how he had passed. My dear Robin was taken from this world because of Depression, the theft in the night, the unfortunate secret that our society seems to push under the rug.
I was going through a lot of shit myself that year and have to admit I was a bit lost, depressed, and didn't know how to find my way back. And when I heard of such a powerful man being taken by Depression, I felt hopeless. Who am I and if Robin wasn't able to fight Depression, how would I? His death was a reminder that ANYONE can be depressed and that no matter how loved, or happy someone looks, depression still is a strong illness.
I cried for hours, pretty sure days, and I hated feeling like a mood killer but the man that taught me compassion and strength, was gone by the very thing I was fighting with. I was scared and reminded of my own mortality and how easy everything could just end for me. I know it might be weird to say, but I always felt like Robin was someone I could relate to. In his films, I always felt some sense of sadness, of understanding that pain is real and his job was to make sure others didn't feel what he did. It always made me appreciate his work so much more because I could see the pain in his eyes.
You know, I wish that his fans or family would have saw his pain behind that contagious smile, perhaps he'd still be here. And yet I know that is probably not true but I always hoped maybe if he knew he wasn't fighting depression alone that he would have kept fighting.I understand he was going through more health issues and depression was not the only illness but it was the one that covered his light.
Everyday a life is taken by depression and people are always left questioning why and how. But depression isn't always easy to be found in someone; depression is a shape shifter, a dream killer and a soul stealer. Depression tells the person they are not worthy enough of love or happiness and that the lives of their loved ones would be so much better off without their burdens.
Because of Robin, I knew I had to start speaking up about my mental illness. I knew it was extremely important to let others that are dealing with an illness know they are not alone. That is why I started my Instagram and blog, to show those who have a mental disorder life is still possible and to help educate those who do not quite understand how a mental illness works.
My dear Robin, please rest easy knowing you will NEVER be forgotten. I won't let people forget that you were taken by the darkness of depression and I will remind them of how strong you were to fight it alone and still be able to make others smile when you couldn't make yourself. There's always a taboo subject behind those that are taken away by a mental illness, the media said you committed suicide, like you committed some heinous crime. The real crime that was committed was the world not seeing you fight depression and assuming you were selfish and wrong for doing so. You did not commit suicide, you died by suicide. Thank you for teaching me kindness, compassion and to always look deeper. I will forever miss your presence.