Photographer & Mental Health Advocate
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Anxiety Awareness

To even exists.

It's been far too long, is that a good thing, I'm not so sure. 

But let's say it is. 

It's literally the last day of 2016 and here I am writing a goodbye. 

Goodbye to the year that has changed me for the better, I have done fantastic things that I'd never think I could do. I have broken out of my comfort zone more times than I can even remember. I'm not going to sit here and write on all that I've done, I think doing so makes me anxious to say goodbye to the year that has been kind to me. But I will say goodbye to me, the old me that will forever live in 2016.

Jack, it's been a long exhausting road to get where we are now. I mean thinking back from last year, we barely talked to anyone or did anything that was momentous. It shows how much we have actually changed in these 12 months. I was with you for every attack, every angry moment of hating who we are because of this disorder. And for every negative thought that ran through our mind, we pushed ourselves to find a positive one. 

I know it isn't easy, but we know by now that life's not suppose to be and I know you get tired, so overworked and overwhelmed with situations that other people could handle easily. But that doesn't make us any less inadequate or any less worthy of life. Just different, and different is all right. 

I mean being different doesn't seem like that awful anyway. Just look all the people we met in this year, hopefully we can learn names as fast as we can learn faces but that's what 2017 will be all about, haha! Each person, took the time to want to get to know us and figure out who we are and what we're about, that conveys so much.

Let us not forget that we are also doing more of what we love, photography. And I know, we will always consider ourselves an amateur, and that's okay, as long as we know there is extreme potential within us. Note to selves though, professional amateur has a pretty good ring to it. 

Our mama got better this year. We know she has so much more to go but seeing her view herself as the beautiful woman we knew she was all along, that is magic. Of course she steals all our clothes but we're okay with that. Our Goddess is back and that's all that truly matters.

He's growing up so quickly, our hearts cannot take it but it's a must. He is fourteen years old and we know we have had days were we have cried because we're scared for him. He's so very different, so very beautifully different and this world likes to feed off of that. But we need to believe and have faith in ourselves that he will be the young man we know he will. It's okay to cry in frustration because we cannot understand him, we love him and that's all there needs to be. 

Love, If we are sure about anything it is about love. We have never wavered from our beliefs on love and always take it in with arms wide open. Wow, we are still lovers of the world, of the people in our lives, our pups, just life in general. Not many people can say that. Let us never change that, okay?

We have to say goodbye Jack as you cannot come with me into the new year. But remember you'll always have a place in my heart and in my mind. You have saved me more than I know and I am forever grateful for the challenges we have gone through together. I love you more than you know and I'm so sorry I could be so unkind to you sometimes. I like to call those my human moments because let's be honest we're fucking aliens. We are not like everyone else and that's frightening because it can be so lonesome. But not to worry, I promise you and all the others before you that I will do right this year. A new regeneration, a stronger, more loving and powerful Jack for this New Year. 2016, you might have sucked to most people for the reasons we all know but you were a pretty amazing year to me, it was fantastic to be able to be alive, least we forget that's what truly matters in the end. 

To even exists, the biggest adventure and yet the only one we know. 

May we never lose our sense of wonder.

Our sense of beauty in the pain.

Love and love and love.

Love with tears,

love with smiles.

Find the light in the darkness.

Be the light. 

 

Bonne Année <3.

Until then,

Jacklyn

xoxo